How to get a 19 year old on a plane…and a dip of the pen from Dorothy Parker

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How to get a 19 year old on a plane...and a dip of the pen from Dorothy Parker

“The best way to keep children at home is to make the home atmosphere pleasant, and let the air out of the tires. ~Dorothy Parker”

How to get a 19 year old on a plane-

2 months in advance- research best price spring break ticket STL to ALB, double-check dates, click & purchase, email itinerary to 19 yo.

1 week in advance- call 19 yo and express pleasure at imminent arrival, get back confusion, recheck dates together, discover ticket is booked for on month prior to spring break, curse, hang up, re-book.

5 days prior to corrected departure- call and remind 19 yo of imminent arrival, get back confusion, ask teen to please read their gd email and make their own arrangements to STL airport 2 hours away.

3 days before departure- discover 19 yo hasn’t reviewed itinerary.

2 days before departure- 19 yo drops that new/old diesel truck, for which they traded the reliable old standard truck you purchased, needs an electrical outlet at STL airport in order to start upon return. advise 19 yo to find an alternative ride to STL airport.

1 day before departure- 19 drops that no alternative to STL found, drop $170 one way on local shuttle, QCY to STL.

4 hours before shuttle departure- 1 am phone call with 19 yo on the line, he’s found a free ride (with some 19 yo who already went to the STL airport and was rejected and will be returning 2 hours before your own 19 yo’s flight) tell 19 yo to call shuttle and if they will cancel without charge, then maybe. 19 yo calls back to inform of cancelled shuttle.

3 hours before departure- 2 am phone call from 19 yo stating the other 19 yo isn’t flying out of STL after all, and shuttle shut him down when he called, wait on phone while 19 yo books his own commuter flight from QCY to STL.

40 minutes before QCY to STL departure- 7 am phone call from 19 yo, in this call he confesses to discovering diesel truck wouldn’t start even with a plug-in causing the begging a ride from a near stranger to get to QCY airport (6am his time).

35 minutes before STL departure- 19 yo boards local commuter flight in QCY scheduled to arrive in STL 30 minutes before scheduled flight to ALB (via TMP).

departure departure- 9 am phone call from very weary 19 yo who confirms he is in fact in STL and on the proper re-scheduled flight to ALB, arrival 3:55 pm est.

congratulate 19yo on job well done, dream of going back to sleep.

Published by DungaBrookDiary

Vicki Whicker is a member of the Los Angeles Poets and Writers Collective and Bright Hill Press Poets. Published by Mo+th, 12 Los Angeles Poets, Big City Mantra, Literary Mama, and others, her poetry and art photography are featured in the anthology Seeing Things (Woodland Arts Editions, 2020). A collection of her poetry, Caught Before Flight, published by Woodland Arts Editions, debuts fall 2020. A wild child at heart, in 2011 she moved to central NY to renovate an 1920’s farmhouse that she bought, sight unseen. From a post on Facebook. Her art photography grew from there, she’s had solo and group shows, and is collected on both coasts. She describes her photography as Bucolia, in that she recreates central NY with her signature style—as a hyper saturated dreamland.

4 thoughts on “How to get a 19 year old on a plane…and a dip of the pen from Dorothy Parker

  1. Mothers deserve MUCH more credit than they get! You should be able to bill SOMEBODY for all this work, shouldn’t you?

    Like

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